After a long night drinking the girl sitting at the bar next to me asked what I liked better, her pretty face or her sexy body.
I said her sense of humor, and went home alone.

When we met she said that if we get married she would help me with all of my troubles and worries.
We got married and I had nothing but troubles and worries.
I told my date how excited I was to go out with her ever since I got her number from the bathroom stall door.  
The one good thing about being Muslim.
When you get divorced the picture in your wallet doesn't change!​

Sparky's cure for women who cant find a man!
Sit on your hand for fifteen minutes.
Once you cant feel your hand anymore, you will think someone is grabbing your ass.

Sparky says: 
If you cant make them see the light, make them feel the heat!

The  female praying mantis kills her man right after they mate.
All my girlfriends like to drag the torture out as long as possible.

I used my new credit card with the security chip and it wasn't working.
The girl behind the counter asked me 
"Is it in?"
WTF, her too ?

For all you old guys out there - 
She wouldn't eat the mushrooms.

After a long night of drinking I walked into the hotel and said,
I can't remember what  room i'm in.

The girl behind the desk said "It's called the lobby."


It turns out that  the real reason the Rag head was wearing a robe was his sheep recognized the sound of zippers!

Romance at it's best!
I called her and said, "Honey, do you remember that little jewelry store downtown?
The one with the diamond ring.
The ring I said I would buy you as soon as I could save up the money?

I'm having lunch at a new restaurant right next door to there.

It's pretty good, you should try it some day.

I only asked for her hand in marriage cause I was tired of using my own!

Politics -
I went to buy my best girl a very sexy nightgown at 
Adam and Eves
but when I got  there the name was changed to Adam and Steves!!!
Sparky told the young, pretty college girl who was managing the spa
" Yes, I identify as a college co ed. Feel free to hang your wash cloth here." 

Her divorce lawyer was from the firm Whiteman, Have, Small and Johnson

And I think i was clipped!

​Most of my sexual exploits I keep to myself. 
Because I'm usually alone.

Another Sparky fool proof pick up line that didn't work -
Honey, I'm sweaty and ready!

The doctor asked Sparky if he could do something for the pain.
Sparky said " Yea, buy my wife an airline ticket!"

Just when you thought you were safe, an intentional overdose of 
Adventures of Sparky 
The Pirate Wore Wooden Shoes 

left you laughing uncontrollably!​

And You Want More!
  1. The Search for the Butterfly Tattoo
  2.​Fortune Cookies Don't Lie
  3.The Pirate Wore Wooden Shoes

​Read all three!

Sparky was the new department store Santa and a little boy jumped on his lap and said -
"I want a brother for Christmas"

And Sparky said -
"Send your mother over to sit on my lap and lets see what Santa and his reindeer Smirnoff, Chivas and  Hornitos can do to grant both of our Christmas wishs!

Sparky walked into a Middle Eastern Book Store and asked the Burka head behind the counter for  Donald Trump's brand new book on Muslim Immigration.

She screamed 
" Get the fuck out of here and stay the fuck out!"

Sparky said 
"Yea, That's the one"
The one good thing about being Muslim.
When you get divorced the picture in your wallet doesn't change!

On Sparky's headstone:
What the hell you lookin at?

Remember - The hands of time catch every man!
So wear a Digital watch!

Hey you.
Yea You!
Do you have an "ism" to add?
Click here and send them to                               

Get them posted on the Sparky site!

Never again will I go down on one knee for a woman who won't go down on two knees for me!

When in Florida make sure you visit the Official Gentlemen's Clubs of Sparky!​

When in Florida make sure you visit the Official Gentlemen's Clubs of Sparky!​           
It has been said throughout the ages that all men in my family, on the day they turn 18, could walk on water.

On my 18th birthday, I rowed to the middle of the lake, stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned. 

As it turns out, I was the only male member of my family born in August and not February.
When a guy does a dozen girls, he is considered the key that fits many locks.
He is The Master Key.

When a woman opens her legs for a dozen different keys,
She has a Shitty Lock!
My x wife suggested that I get one of those Swedish penis enlargers.
I did, her name was Bridget.
Hence the x in wife.
And that's when the sheep farmer said to policeman "I was only helping it over the fence
Anyone who ever said that "Money can"t buy you happiness."
Has never paid for a divorce!

Then in a bragging moment Sparky got off his bar stool, leaned in real close and said -

Honey I once rode a bull named Nutbuster for 6.4 seconds.

But a beautiful broad like you i'd shoot for the full 8!
Let it be written - Let it be read!
According to the packaging, the condom I was using virtually guaranteed safe sex. 

Obviously her boyfriend didn't read the package.